It’s been days since Ruby napped and today she finally fell asleep! You’d be amazed at all the things I can accomplish when my overly curious, determined two year old slumbers. But above completing housework, when she naps I have the opportunity to write. Writing, for me has become my way of reconnecting to myself. When I miss a few days of writing I can feel it. I crave my quiet time of reflection. Throughout the day different thoughts will pop into my mind. These thoughts are usually related to my children. I’ll say to myself, “Oh, I need to remember that.” When you’re raising little ones life is so loud. It moves at a fast pace. My kids will say or do things that I know I’ll want to tell them about someday. By taking photos and writing I help myself recall the moments that shaped our days.
One aspect of motherhood I’ve been wanting to share is our inward interpretation of ourselves. I’ll share what I mean further. See if you can relate. Each day I work hard to put my best foot forward as a mother. I strive to be loving, present, and nurturing to my kids. I set the intention each morning of creating a positive experience for myself and those around me. As you can imagine, as the day develops different experiences will pop up. Not all of these moments are positive with my children. I’ll snap at them. I’ll raise my voice in frustration. “If I have to say it one more time…” I can do so much. I can give so much. But by the end of the day all I will think about is the one negative moment with my child.
Example, last night I couldn’t sleep because all I could think about was my reaction when Ruby accidentally poked a stick in my face. “She’s only two Joy! She didn’t know what she was doing. What is wrong with you? Why would you get so angry at her? You are such a bad mom! Like seriously!” And the self depreciation would continue. Unfortunately, it would spiral to worse thoughts that I will not share. My daughter’s little face would pop into my mind. “Oh, Joy! What is wrong with you? Why can’t you control your responses better?” The day we had would feel like it was wasted. The overall positive day would be tarnished. I would feel hurt and disappointed with myself.
It’s interesting how our minds will fixate on things. It’s almost like it get’s stuck on replay. How do we stop the negativity, reset, and begin again? Don’t get me wrong, if you make a mistake as a parent (and you will) it’s important to learn from it so you can do better going forward, but repeatedly berating yourself isn’t helpful either. At some point you have to move forward. I think for me, I believe that by doing this I am punishing myself and therefore giving myself what I deserve. But I never stop to consider that if I gave myself permission to encourage myself throughout the day, positively taking care of myself, this unfortunate reaction may have never happened. What am I saying? Had I encouraged myself to stay in tune with my emotions throughout the day I may have responded differently. Looking back to the stick poking moment, if I wasn’t trying to do a few things at the same time and distracting my focus on too many other things, I could have seen my daughter with a stick in her hand right beside my head. Sometimes we need to back up to see the whole picture.
Motherhood is loud and sometimes painful. It’s a pressure cooker of growth. If we can separate ourselves from the emotional response of the moment we will be able to see ourselves more clearly. We are human. We have flaws. We need to check-in with ourselves throughout the day. Every mom is a rock star, but even rock stars need rest. It’s okay to slow down sometimes. It’s okay to take a nap too. The saying, “You can’t give what you don’t have” is so true. This doesn’t mean you are lacking anything as a mother. You are simply doing what you need to do to be the best version of yourself for you and your family.
I hope you feel encouraged and empowered as a mother. You are not on this journey alone. Some days you’ll feel great about what you are accomplishing and on other days, you’ll feel like you are missing the mark. It’s okay. Let me say this again. It’s okay! Acknowledge where you are, set new goals going forward, and encourage yourself through the process. The most important thing is that you keep showing up!
Leave a Reply