I have good news for you! You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone! Did you hear me clearly? What you decide to do for yourself is for you to decide. This is your life and only you get to experience it. I don’t know if you are like me, but this truth is so freeing!
This past week I received criticism for the schedule I currently have with my two children. For those that do not know, my son is currently eight years old and is almost done with his second grade. He can’t wait for summer break. I also have a two-year-old daughter. It’s hard for me to believe she’ll be three in November. I have been trying to encourage her to sit on her potty, but she emphatically refuses and throws a fit every time I offer the suggestion. Little does she know, when summer hits we are potty training! Both kids make my heart so happy and my body so tired. As any parent will tell you, your child’s routine (morning activity, nap time, afternoon activity, and bedtime) will change as they develop. I am no stranger to this and have tested many different routines for my children over the years. What I have learned from my “research” is that your child is adaptable. It is important your child’s schedule flows with your family’s already established schedule. For example, Ruby’s routine is based on her family’s lifestyle. We do not change our plans because we need to fit a specific routine just for her. Furthermore, a family’s routine changes as the needs and activities of the family change. As a well-oiled machine, all the parts need to come together to ensure the engine runs effectively.
For me personally, I am an early riser. I always was. When I was in college, I was the one in the fitness center working out at 6 am. I loved my 8 am classes because my brain is alive right in the morning. When I wake up, I am ready to hit the ground running. By 5 pm I am ready to power down. Currently, I go to bed around 9 pm and wake around 5 am. I hit my yoga mat first thing in the morning. As I flow through my poses, I allow my brain to warm up for the day. My best writing, my most complete thoughts, flow in the morning. After I feed, dress, and get my son off to school, Ruby and I begin our morning routine of housework, play time, and reading. As most moms are, I am a ninja at doing laundry and activity time simultaneously with my child. We sing together as we wash our bedding. I have her tell me what color items are or ask her to count the number of socks on the floor. All of it, to her is one big game. She smiles at me in delight as I say, “good job, Ruby! You are so smart!” In other words, our mornings are our time to catch up, clean up, and prep for the rest of the day. After we get our “chores” done it’s time for rest time. She is currently at the stage where nap time is becoming obsolete. I always give her the opportunity to nap, but if she doesn’t actually slumber, it’s okay. She can rest in her bed for a while either playing with her stuffed animals or reading a picture book. As a parent to an older child, I know nap time will soon be a thing of the past. During her “nap time” I have my lunch break (me time). You might ask, “wait you don’t eat your lunch with your child?” And I would say, “nope. Mama needs a break.” While she is resting, I eat my lunch right in front of my television and I watch my dirty pleasure- Bravo. For anyone that doesn’t like reality tv we will not relate to one-another. I love all of the Real Housewifes franchises and secretly believe I have a personal relationship with all of them. Like I said, it’s my break time and I will spend it the way I want to! No explanation required.
After my daughter’s rest time/nap time, we get out of the house for the day. Depending on the day and the weather, this looks different each day. As I mentioned earlier, I learned a lot with my first child. One big takeaway from those early years with him is that you should expect the unexpected as a parent. It’s vital to your mental health to be flexible with not only your child, but with yourself. Although I think it is wonderful to schedule out your day/week, it’s okay to modify it as the day unfolds. I am grateful that where we live, we have a wide range of activity options for young children. From indoor playgrounds to beautiful parks.
As mentioned previously, I received criticism from a fellow mother about Ruby’s schedule. She couldn’t believe I wasn’t open to meeting up for a play date that week. In response to her I wrote, “I am just honoring our schedule… I have a second grader I have to feed, dress, and get off to school. I’ve found, over the past few weeks that it’s better for all of us if we keep our mornings unscheduled.” I will omit her response to this because I do not feel it is needed. However, I will say it was “extreme.” I did not feel anger towards her message. If anything, I felt sadness for her. She was not lashing out at me. She was lashing out at something deeper. Her response was from a place of hurt.
Mom, you are amazing, and your kids are amazing! What you decide to do with your day is your business. When you receive criticism (and you will) try to see the situation from an outsider’s perspective. Remember how I told you the good news? You are not required to explain yourself to anyone. Like I wrote in my previous blog post: “Believe it or not, your story of reality might just be wrong. You might be telling yourself a story that is false. In the end, the one that is hurt most is you. Ultimately, you are causing yourself more suffering internally. You are a prisoner to your mind. Next time you start spiraling in thought, take a moment to step back. Ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are. Remember to be gracious and forgiving not only to yourself, but other people because the story you are feeding yourself might just be wrong.”
“We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us.” Virginia Satir
“Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” Virginia Satir
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