If someone asked you, “what is a mother?” How would you describe it? Or better yet, what would you say to the following, “what is a good mother?” The second question implies a mother could be good or bad. Have you ever met a bad mother?
Like all holidays, you may have mixed feelings about the idea of celebrating Mother’s Day. Your mother may not be in your life or perhaps your mother is no longer living at this time. This holiday can bring up many emotions for all of us.
I’ll be honest with you, when I think of my two children, I sometimes have a hard time remembering who I was before their arrival. My perspective on life was very different before having them. My view of this world was smaller and more limited. I didn’t yet know how amazing and scary motherhood is. Now that they are both here and I have closed the chapter on growing our family, I feel a deep sense of gratitude and contentment. As a mother, my greatest privilege in life is watching them grow into their own person. There is something deeply gratifying when you watch your child accomplish milestones. Their ability to learn and grow fascinates me. If anything, their addition to my life makes everything I do so much sweeter and meaningful. What I do now isn’t just about me, it’s about the legacy I will leave for them! They are looking to me for guidance, support, and love. What an honor!
I asked earlier, “what is a mother?” You know what I would say to this? A mother is a person just like you and me. She is a human trying to raise little ones. Her children may not have come from her, but regardless of how they arrived she has been given the duty of caring for them. The responsibility is great, and the workload is heavy. The job of a mother never ends. Once she receives the title of mom it never goes away. A mother will never fully know what is expected of her until she is called upon. A mother tries her best but fails from time to time. She is imperfect but does the best she can with what she has. A mother needs forgiveness and encouragement. A mother needs to be reminded of her strength.
When I read the above, I see myself being described. I am not perfect, and neither are my children. We were uniquely given to each other for this moment in time. We will forever be connected. And while I am deeply grateful for this, my hope is that my children will always have a connection and love for me. If you would ask me what my greatest fear is I would say to lose the love and respect of my children. To not have them in my life would literally break my heart. I take my title as mom very seriously and know that one day my children will be adults too. One day they will be parents and one day they will have a choice in who they have in their life. My hope is that we can always celebrate this holiday in love and affection together regardless of their stage in life. I will stive for this by honestly and humbly sharing my true self with them. When I fail to live up to the standard of ‘mom’ I hold for myself, I will address it with my children. “When I yelled at you earlier, I should not have done that. I should not have raised my voice in frustration. I am sorry. Can you please forgive me?” I want to model the behavior I hope for them. I want to live the life I hope for them. I want to be my personal best for myself and for those around me. As my son has gotten older, we’ve been able to have some very productive conversations about what it means to be an adult in this world. I’ve told him stories of what I have experienced and what others around me have experienced. Often times he reminds me that life really isn’t that complicated. If we can step outside of our emotions and look at the situation from a logical perspective, we will see things clearer and hopefully be better equipped for our next decision. Did I mention he’s very wise for a second grader?
I don’t know your story. I don’t know what your relationship is like with your mother, but I want you to know you are loved, special, and unique regardless of your biological parent. Whether you have a mom to call on Mother’s Day or not, you are a gift to this world. You have within you the ability to encourage and love others. You have the opportunity to demonstrate what you would like to see on this day. By you giving your best you make this world a better place. And that is something we all should celebrate! As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that when I look within and choose my personal best, I am usually more understanding and gracious to those around me. A mother, as we know is just a human trying to navigate through life. We all are flawed. We all will fail. And we all can make better choices. Regardless of the past or present, I hope you feel encouraged to celebrate this day in the way that means the most to you.
Below is a letter I wrote to myself after giving birth to my first child, Kenton in 2015. I wanted to share it with you because every mother’s story is beautifully unique and special!
Dear Mom,
You’ve gone through a lot! More than you currently know right now. Last night you fought the most rewarding, painful, and beautiful fight you have yet to experience. You brought a small life into this world. By giving life, you in turn received so much more.
How strange it must feel to see your baby lying beside you rather than in your womb? You have a longing desire to hold this little one close. Without his breathing on your chest, you feel like you are missing a part of you.
Your belly now shows the impact of this pregnancy. It appears to be a used sleeping bag right now. It shows you and applauds you for a job well done! Your belly is so proud of you! This “used sleeping bag” was your baby’s house for the past months.
Your legs are still shaking from the adrenaline that coursed through your body! They are tired and weak. Who knew your legs would be so helpful when pushing this baby out?
It’s funny how easily we take our masterpieces for granted. How easily we point out the ‘bad’ things about our bodies! After giving birth your perspective is changing! It’s a shame it had to take so much to change your view, but you wouldn’t change it for the world! Your baby has changed you. This change won’t happen overnight, Mom! I know patience is not your strong point, but you’ll get it! You’ll learn. Every stumble, fall, and bruise will show you the way! Like your baby, you will grow into the beautiful mother you were designed to be! And you’ll soon learn there’s no perfect way to mother! You’ll be your own kind of mother for your one-of-a-kind baby!
Love,
Your older self
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