To put it simply, the weather is simply gorgeous today! It’s one of those days where you wished it was like this always. When I woke at 5:15 am to begin my yoga routine, the temperature outside was only 44 degrees. By the afternoon it would be in the upper 70’s and sunny. Currently I am sitting outside in the backyard. The sky is a bright blue with no clouds. The crickets are chirping rhythmically and every so often I hear a blast of noise from the cicadas. Earlier in the day, Ruby and I made apple chips from a few of the Jonathan apples we picked at Lynd Fruit Farm on Saturday. That day, like today was bright and delicious. It was, however, cooler making it perfect for an apple picking adventure.
After we put our thinly sliced, cinnamon sprinkled apple chips in the oven at 200 degrees for three hours, we went outside and painted a pumpkin. This will be the first of many pumpkins we decorate this fall season. I am obsessed with roasting and eating pumpkin seeds from large, orange pumpkins. I first began this pumpkin seed obsession when I was pregnant with Ruby. Ever since then I’ve purchased a pumpkin almost weekly in the fall. I no longer view orange pumpkins as jack-o-lanterns for Halloween, but as a delicious snack you can eat anytime of the year. Scroll to the bottom for my recipe.
This time when we painted our pumpkin, Ruby surprised me. She wanted to paint the whole thing. I was glad to see she wasn’t bored of this activity right after we began. “She’s growing up,” I thought. Speaking of maturing, her potty training, although a slow process, is improving. Today she’s used the potty without any accidents. Last week, although she made it to the toilet for her number two bowel movement, rather than using toilet paper she used her hand and dress to “clean” herself. I couldn’t be upset at her efforts when I had discovered what had happened. The dress, however, went into the trash. “It’s not worth it Joy,” I told myself. Listen, sometimes you have to choose your battles. This episode happened right before we were leaving for my son’s school drop off. The dress will be remembered fondly. With that being said, I think she’s beginning to understand the potty process.
As I write this, she’s taking a nap in her crib. She’s such a smart little girl. I asked her if she was feeling tired and she said, “yes.” I asked her if she wanted to take a nap and she said, “yes.” After laying her down and wishing her a pleasant nap, she went right to sleep. I know this to be true because I occasionally glance at her monitor beside me. It’s funny to think about how you parent each of your children. Without trying, I have parented differently from my son to my daughter. I think a big contributor to the difference is that I know more the second time around. Or to put it differently, I know more of what to expect. And because of that, I am slightly more confident. I say slightly only because my daughter is very different from her brother. Not everything that worked for my son works for her. One example being, I can’t manipulate her as easily as my son. Kenton, at her age was much more “go with the flow.” He rarely pushed back at me and was open to the activities I wanted us to do. With Ruby, she has her own agenda. She knows what she wants and if she doesn’t want to do something, she will double down on it. What I’ve found that works well for her is giving her choices. I allow her to choose from options I’ve selected. This gives her a sense of independence and control. Control is something I’ve learned she wants. As you can see, she will appreciate her independence once she is fully potty trained.
Almost every time we drop off Kenton at school, she’ll say to me, “I want to go to school.” I respond with, “Once you are potty trained you can go to school too.” When I used to say this, I took comfort in the thought that I still had time. “I don’t have to worry about that for a long time.” But as time has passed, I’ve realized that my days with her at home will be over sooner than I care to admit.
This time last year, I was interviewing for a few employment opportunities. I had purchased her a bunny backpack and had daycare lined up. A few weeks later, I had officially accepted a position. Everything was set. So, I thought. The day before my start date, I spoke with a few of the hiring managers. During our discussion, I realized they would need me to arrive at the office a half hour earlier than I anticipated. Worry and anxiety flooded my mind. “But who’s going to do this? And who’s going to do that?” My mind began to spiral. It was as if the weight of my responsibilities caught up to me and I finally saw everything I was doing for my family clearly. I was managing a home and two children. I was carrying the weight of my children’s lives so that my spouse could manage our external needs – providing for our family. Looking back, I think I had put my blinders on. I was so focused on moving forward that I wasn’t seeing reality clearly. I was providing a major benefit to my family. Managing, organizing, cleaning, cooking… I was not valuing myself enough to appreciate all of the value I was giving.
I am deeply grateful to my spouse and his support of me. I remember calling him when I looked at my responsibility load. Through tears I said, “I just don’t think I can do it.” He responded, “It’s okay. I was honestly hoping you’d say that.” In that moment, once again, I saw things clearly. I was overlooking what truly mattered for our family. When my son was Ruby’s current age he went to daycare, and I went to work. For whatever reason, I thought this step was what I needed to do with my daughter. Through this experience, I learned that just because you’ve done something in the past, that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing now or it’s the right time for this specific situation. I called my almost employer and apologized for wasting her time. Once again, I was humbled at my distortion of reality. She said to me, “It’s okay Joy. If you decide you are ready just let me know. It could be next week or next year. You are totally fine. I am a mother too and I understand. You have to do what is best for your family.” I thanked her and relief fell over me.
Can you relate to this? Have you ever gotten caught up in a certain way of thinking? Have you ever become blind to other options? I think it’s easy to overlook other choices when your time and focus is limited. It’s easy to become tunnel vision to what you see before you. When we do this, we ultimately hurt ourselves. We deny ourselves of potentially better options. Like my daughter, I like to feel in control, and I love feeling like I have a choice in what happens to me. Before you jump into something new ask yourself how this change will benefit you and those around you. What benefit or value is this giving you? Be patient and forgiving with yourself. It’s okay to do something different than before. And it’s okay to parent your children differently. Like you, they are their own person. Their personality, temperament, and style is unique to them.
Roasted Pumpkin Seeds:
- Set oven to 350 degrees.
- Rinse and dry pumpkin seeds.
- Line baking sheet with parchment paper.
- Drizzle olive oil all over pumpkin seeds.
- Season seeds to taste with salt, black pepper, garlic powder, Italian seasoning, and paprika.
- Bake seeds for 30 minutes or until golden brown.
- Seeds go well on roasted vegetables or tossed in a salad.
Apple Chips:
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