We all are wired differently, aren’t we? For me, I am a morning person through and through. When I first wake my mind is the most alert it will be all day. It’s firing and it’s ready to hit the ground running so to speak! As you can imagine, my best writing happens in the morning. Sitting with my hot coffee in one hand and my journal in the other, I dive in as my kids sleep. This is where my light illuminates. I pour my thoughts into the pages like its water. My pin travels back and forth across the pages. I push myself to write fast because I know this time is limited. When I have a moment later, I will revisit and revise.
As a morning person, I thrive on a schedule. I need to know what my goals are for the day. In other words, I need a reason to wake every morning. I first tasted the meaning of purpose while on a dental mission trip with my father to Haiti. I was sixteen and naive to how life really worked. Each morning we’d wake with the intention of working in the clinic caring for the oral health of the locals there. But as I learned, we cared for so much more than that. After my first day working in the clinic, I felt tired but satisfied. The next morning, I woke, placed my bare feet on the cool, cracked floor tiles and felt a burst of excitement. The sun was bright, and the heat was quickly rising outside my window. Sitting on the edge of my bed I thought, “I have a purpose!” Warmth and happiness literally filled my whole body. For the first time I felt like I really had a reason to live. I knew why I was there. And I knew how I could help. Do you know how amazing it feels to know your efforts are directly impacting someone else’s life? In that moment, I got a taste of a purpose driven life. I never wanted to let that feeling go. To this day, when I smell hand sanitizer, I think of my sweaty hands sliding into the synthetic gloves we wore as we worked with the patients. And my dad, working nonstop until every patient was seen. I could see his passion and love for the people around him. It flowed through his words and actions. Even now as I write, I am so grateful I was able to share that experience with him.
Humans are many things, but what we all need is a reason for living. We all need to know our “why” in life. That is why we all ask the same question…
“Why am I here?”
Spoiler alert! I don’t have the answer for you. And while I can pull an answer out based on the principles I learned from Christianity, not even that can be reliable or proven. Religion aside, I don’t think the answer to the above question can be answered by anyone but the individual. As mentioned at the beginning, you are wired differently than anyone else. You may be a morning person or someone that cannot relate to my words. Either way, your light from within gets illuminated when you are doing what gives you a sense of purpose. Life is so weird, isn’t it? We are here one day and gone the next. People come and go from our lives. We have good seasons and bad seasons. Our focus and interests change. But what remains is our desire for meaning and purpose.
My purpose on this earth is to learn and grow. To become the best version of myself for not only myself but others. When I tap into my interests and desires, I illuminate myself. I become more productive, more useful. My usefulness pours out to those around me. Depending on the season I am in, the tasks may look different. My role’s title changes. Example being, I am in the season of raising two young children. My task is to care for them. Because of this, my duties and schedule fit their current needs. But what doesn’t go away is my desire to set and crush goals. I need a to-do list for my day. I need to have goals set-up for me to strive for. So, what do I do? It’s simple really, I make to-do lists for myself. I create a schedule for myself and my children. I create lesson plans and organize educational opportunities for all of us. The things I am doing right now may look different from the past jobs I had outside the home, but both give me a purpose.
Do you see what I am trying to say? Your current season of life may look different than you expected. You may be feeling stuck or dissatisfied in this current time. This is okay. Believe me, I’ve been there! But first know, there is nothing wrong with feeling dissatisfied. In fact, I’d say congratulations. Because you are on the right track. You are waking up! If you lean into this feeling and honestly look at your life you can begin to make changes. When you begin to make changes (work on yourself) you’ll find the direction you need to go in. Why? Because you are testing yourself. You’ll find what gives you purpose and meaning. Don’t be afraid of the uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to say, “I am unhappy.” Your life is full of potential. You are capable of doing hard things. Believe in yourself and trust your gut.
For a deeper dive into personal purpose, I suggest you check out Albert Camus. His take and insight on the discussion of personal meaning in life is very insightful and thought provoking. Camus thought that life itself was absurd. But he did not consider this the end of our story. By realizing the absurdity in life, we discover we have the choice to rebel against the meaningless and create personal meaning for ourselves.
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