As I sit to write today, I can’t help but ask myself, “Where did my days go? What did I do this past week?” This my friend is what happens in the winter. Time is constant and continuous. It is a measurable thing that doesn’t change depending on the season. And yet, a winter day can feel longer somehow. In the winter, days feel deceivingly extended and quieter because the world outside is colder and well, quieter. Animals are hidden from eyesight and the landscape appears to have little life. But when you take the time to look back and reflect, you realize the endless winter days slipped through your fingers at exactly the same rate – simply too fast.
This past week, my son’s school schedule ended up only being two days in class. With a holiday to observe, a national championship game to celebrate (O-H-I-O!), and winter conditions keeping him out of the classroom, we spent unexpected and unplanned time together. On one particular afternoon we had lunch at our kitchen island. His little sister, Ruby was sitting happily next to him. As she giggled and Kenton observed the steam rising from his chicken finger, I remarked how happy I was to have lunch with the two of them. “The sun is shining. Kenton is home. Isn’t this a great lunch we are having?” They both shook their heads in agreement and then my son remarked. “Lunch time is the worst for me at school, especially at the end when they ask a trivia question (My son loves trivia questions!). I’ll answer and even if I get it right I am picked on. Sometimes when I come back to class, I’ll have water in my eyes. My teacher will ask if something is wrong, but I always tell her no.” After hearing this I responded with, “I am sorry, Kenton. I wish I could do something to help.” Kenton, “It’s okay, Mom. I can handle it.” That’s when I thought to myself, “But you don’t have to handle it alone.” I picked up my phone and emailed his teacher asking for insight and input. In that moment, all I had to go off of was my child’s words. I am not present at his school seeing and hearing what he is. And I didn’t want to advise him with the following: “Try ignoring the other kids.” His emotions, his experience is valid and real. I don’t want to encourage him not to recognize what is happening to him and how he is feeling in response to the situation. I wrote the following to his teacher, and I loved her response.
Mom: “I love my son’s enthusiasm for learning, and I want him to always feel safe to share and express himself. From what you have observed, is the interactions at school involving my son normal and/or typical behavior? If so, how would you suggest I guide him through challenging interactions with classmates? I don’t want to encourage him to ignore the teasing, but I don’t want to create potential problems in the classroom either.”
Teacher: “I would remind Kenton that the adults at school are there to help him. I know it can be hard, but I would encourage him to let the teachers on lunch duty or myself know about situations when they come up so we can help. I would also let him know that his feelings are valid and if he ever needs a quick break in the classroom, to utilize our break corner. It’s okay to take a break, and a great resource to use to make sure we are feeling better and ready to jump back into learning.”
Once receiving her response, I read it aloud to him. I could see relief pass over his face as I shared her advice. I hugged him and thanked him for sharing with me his experience. Next, I said to him, “I know it takes courage to tell others how you are feeling. I really appreciate you trusting me! I love you!”
A few days later, while my son was at school, the sun was so bright, and the sky was so blue. When you looked out the window it appeared bright, beautiful, and warm, but it was nowhere warm. The sunshine, however made me imagine our house was a greenhouse. Sitting on the living room floor, my daughter and I were two flowers drinking up the sun’s rays. I love feeling the sun on my skin and although I can’t help but think of the sunspots I’ll eventually have as I continue to age, I can’t get enough of it! At least I don’t go to the tanning beds anymore. Remember those days? In high school, I use to go tanning in the winter. I’d feel like a human burrito warming up from the inside out in a large microwave. Thank God I don’t do that anymore! And the truth is, you don’t need to be golden brown in the winter when you live in Ohio. We get it! Embrace your pale, transparent skin! It’s honestly okay!
While taking in our vitamin D that afternoon, we decided to put on our wide brimmed hats and drink hot chocolate together. A snowman shaped marshmallow completed our warm beverages. While we sat on the living room floor near our fireplace, I watched my daughter. She happily drank her hot chocolate and periodically jabbed her marshmallow with her finger as it melted in her mug. The thought came to me, “What should we do next?” Can you relate to this? As a mom I am constantly thinking about our next moment – our next activity. I caught myself, thankfully this time and responded inwardly, “But we’re already doing it.” Why was I looking to cut this moment short? Why was I looking for something else when I was already living something? If we’re not careful, even special, fun, meaningful moments can be overlooked, devalued, and simply missed.
Winter, in my opinion sums up the above. Winter is simply a season. It’s a time period that begins and ends (I promise it will end!). What we do within that season is up to us. How we fill the cold, quiet, slow days is up to us. We can either choose to embrace it or search for something different. I hope you don’t search for something else. I hope you embrace your pale skin, linger in the sunlight when it shines, and drink hot chocolate with those you love – marshmallows included! Don’t rush what can’t be rushed. And don’t wish for something else when what you have is special in its own right.
Things that happen in the winter:
Days seem to fall into a slower rhythm of rest. The hum from the heater drowns out unneeded noise from the outside world. The cold wind and snowfall remind us we are not in control and so much of what we experience is random. Tight fitting clothes become a distant memory and are traded for sweatpants and cozy sweaters. Winter asks us to rest and not resist. Embrace what is. Experience the now. And simply live in the moment.
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