February is nearly to a close, so you know what that means? It’s officially time to celebrate my birthday! I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but it’s my birthday so I’ll do what I want to! 😉
37 years ago, I was born Sunday morning to two loving parents that thought, after an ultrasound and under the advisement of medical professionals in January of 1988, I was going to be their first-born son and fourth child to three older sisters. They were excited and ready for my arrival.
February 29th, 1988, My Mother’s journal entry from her hospital recovery room after giving birth to me the day before:
6am, we left for the hospital. It was chilly out that morning. We went through town, and it was 22 degrees on the bank weather check. I had one contraction while driving there and it is always so hard having a contraction while driving. When we got there, I was 9 centimeters dilated. It only took me a few minutes before I was complete. However, as soon as I was moved into my delivery room, my contractions seemed to stop. When I finally did start pushing again, I felt something was wrong because I pushed for a half hour, and nothing seemed to happen. By this time, I was crying, and I remembered telling your dad I just couldn’t do it. He was so good and kept reassuring me. But my muscles were tired, and my entire body ached!! Then the doctor came in and helped me. After checking on you, he said you were caught on the cervix lip and couldn’t come out. To help with this, he pushed back and down on my cervix. Right after he did that, he ran out of the room to scrub up. I kept pushing. I can remember the burning pain I felt as your head finally slipped out. Then your shoulders. I just wanted to get you out! The doctor kept saying, “Slow down!” But I thought, “No way!” You were the only one of the girls though I didn’t get to watch in the mirror. It was so hard to push you out. It was all I could do. But your dad got some excellent pictures.
The day of my delivery, my mother recalls the doctor and nurses grew quiet after I entered this world. Worried something was wrong, she asked if everything was okay. They confirmed I was healthy; however, I was not the boy they thought I was. I was indeed another girl. My mother told me she was filled with relief upon hearing this and her only concern was that I was healthy and safe. That day my parents decided to name me Joy because I brought so much joy into their world. They wanted my name to be a message of gratefulness because regardless of my gender, my birth brought so much joy into their world!
My Mother’s journal entry continued:
Well, you are sleeping next to me so peacefully. I thank God for you – such a work of God! Please know I will always love you. Someday I will only be a memory, but Christ will be with you through all eternity. Even in your name God’s gift we can see. He knows what someday you will be. For now, you’re so small and frail. I cradle and nurse you, knowing our loving relationship will never stale. I ask myself, “Am I worthy of God’s blessing in this child?” You’ve given me a song of happiness all the while. Let us be reminded, life is but a vapor, so quickly here and gone. So today I will hold you close my little fawn!
What a gift to receive from my mother! I am so grateful for her dedication to write her experiences with me. Her words are a treasure and one I am proud to share. Today as I celebrate my birthday, I can’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude for the life I have lived thus far. Each high and low brought me to this place and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. Recently I read Hello Beautiful by Keryl Pesce. In it she writes about breaking free from the chains of regret, comparison, and self-doubt and discovering the freedom, power, and beauty of being the real you. I want to share a passage from the book that stuck out to me. I hope you find it encouraging as you work to become your true, proud self!
“What makes you beautiful is far more about what is unseen about you than what is seen. It’s not about the color or smoothness of your skin, the size and shape of your body, or any physical attribute. It’s about the energy of your presence. You radiate beauty when you open yourself to seeing yourself (your whole self,) others, and all situations through the eyes of compassion. It is a powerful choice which allows you to show up to yourself and others as the most beautiful version of you there is… one that is grounded in love. It’s pure, never fades, and is available to all of us equally in every moment of every day. Make no mistake. It is your inner presence, that which we cannot see with our eyes, which allows your true beauty to shine. That is the truth of who you are.” Keryl Pesce.
Compassion – We need more compassion in our world and compassion begins with you. Think about the day you were born. You had no preconceived ideas or biases. All you did was act upon your instinct to survive. Over time, however your view of not only your world, but the view of you was shaped. You grew into the person you are based on the predisposed genetic makeup you received, and the life experiences you faced. What am I trying to communicate here? Much of what you face is outside of your control. Much of what happens to you is beyond your authority. By understanding this, I hope you will see the need for more self-compassion. It’s okay to be you. It’s okay to embrace all parts of you. When you allow yourself the freedom to do this you open your eyes to a world of understanding and forgiveness. Begin by compassionately accepting yourself and you’ll see that we all need more compassion.
Compassion, it’s my word for the year and one I will work to understand and embrace more fully as I continue to journey around the sun!
Cheers!
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