It’s amazing how life experiences teach and change us. How our interest’s and focus change as we change. I always say this, “I am not the same person I was.” And these changes aren’t an example of someone not knowing who they are but are rather an expression of a life lived. A life that isn’t afraid to experience change. A life that tries new things and challenges what was once thought. I don’t know if you can relate to this, but I tend to limit myself based on my past experiences. I think to myself, “But this is what I’ve done in the past. I have to continue to grow this.” News flash! It’s okay to change direction. It’s okay to try and do something out of your comfort zone.
At the beginning of 2025 I set my overarching goal as: Practice personal acceptance, knowing that what I posses is enough. By giving myself more grace and understanding. By not being so critical of results and remembering growth is a part of the journey. When I wrote this, I wish I could tell you I felt brave and excited for the year ahead, but if I am being honest, I felt fearful. Fearful because I knew change was ahead. In my heart I knew the change was good and needed, but even positive change can feel scary. It’s the element of unknown that causes me to tense up and remain stationary.
My youngest, Ruby is currently three years old, potty trained (on most days), and ready for preschool. She’s my last and final baby. Even while I was pregnant with her, I knew she’d be my final child. Because of this, I valued my pregnancy, delivery, and newborn stages so much more than I did with my first child, Kenton. With Kenton I wanted to rush everything out of insecurity and inexperience. I pushed myself and him to move on to the next stage. By doing this, unfortunately I overlooked precious moments I can never take back. By doing this, I devalued not only my personal growth, but my child’s. With Ruby, I took it all in, knowing the fun and challenging moments were happening for me and not to me. I was less reactionary and more at peace with myself as a mother. I had more confidence in my ability to provide for her needs. For the first time in my life, I fell in love with my motherhood journey. I appreciated the quiet moments at home reading and singing with her. I saw wonder and magic in her excitement for life. Her silly expressions and bursts of laughter filled my heart with more joy than I knew was possible. I respected both of our growth journeys because from past experience I learned it does not last forever and inevitably I will look back and ask myself, “Where did the time go?”
Today, as I write, I know she is ready for her next chapter – preschool. For the past year, Ruby has told me she wants to go to school like her big brother. At almost all of his school drop offs she ask’s when she can go to school. Wanting to put it off, I repeated the following response, “Not until you are potty trained.” Like I mentioned earlier, she’s potty trained and according to my calendar, it’s time to think about registering her for preschool. With that in consideration, I began looking at programs a few weeks ago. One prearticular program kept sticking out to me, as its location is conveniently close to our house, and we nearly pass it every day. As we’d pass it, without fail and as if on cue, Ruby will confidently announce to anyone listening, “That’s my school!” Was my child telling me something I didn’t yet know? It sure did feel like it.
As I thought about her growth I thought of my own. “What are you going to do while both of your kids are at school?” I asked myself this question with genuine curiosity. Now, some of you may be thinking, “What do you mean you asked yourself this?! Aren’t you excited at the thought of having the house to yourself and more time to do whatever you want?” The answer is – no. Rather, I thought, “What will I be doing to grow myself? How will I be bettering both myself and my family?” It’s been five years now since I left my last full-time job outside of the home. It simply blows my mind that it’s been that long, and yet, here we are. As I worked through my personal thoughts and emotions, I realized what I was going to miss the most was being around my kids – making crafts, exploring the world around us. I was going to miss teaching them, watching their curiosity grow, and their confidence build as they accomplished milestones. The thought of all of this ending saddened me more than I anticipated. I asked myself, “What if I worked at my kids’ school? This way Ruby would still get what she needs, Kenton would be set-up for before and after school care, and I would be doing something meaningful with my time.” I then asked myself, “What is more meaningful than playing a role in a child’s life?” I couldn’t think of anything more precious and impactful.
So, I applied for a teaching position at the school we drove by daily. Not having a formal teaching background, I didn’t know if anything would come from it, but I needed to put myself out there. And you know what happened? They called me back and after conducting a phone screening, invited me in for a formal interview. As I sat with the director of the school, my interview walls came down as I realized I was valued for showing my “Mom Heart.” I was allowed and celebrated for being passionate and caring. In my past working experiences, it was important for me to show confidence and accomplishments by giving clear examples of how I achieved results. In many ways, I would hold back my true self in an effort to meet an expectation of professionalism. I emotionally shut down parts of myself. In my interview this time, I spoke with a woman that has two children as well. She is accomplished and yet allows her emotion of love and passion to be on the forefront of what she does every day. I was in! I wanted what she had, and I wanted to be a part of her team.
What followed next was additional questions and deliberation. And then I received the call! “We’d love to have you join our team!” In the past I’d wait for a sick feeling to drop in the pit of my stomach at the thought of accepting a new job. That sick feeling never hit. What did hit was the excitement of doing something of purpose and meaning. I would be helping to provide a safe environment for families. An environment where children can learn, grow, and eventually be ready for formal schooling. I would have a part in preparing them for life. What an invaluable gift! I couldn’t think of anything more impactful!
Today our new chapter begins! Today Ruby begins her first day of preschool! And today I begin my first day of employment! We both are very excited, but a little nervous. I would be lying if I told you I didn’t have worries like, “Will my co-workers accept me? Will I catch on to the training quickly? Will my daughter adjust well to the change?” Because of life experiences, I know it’s okay to be nervous. It’s okay to put yourself out there without fully knowing how you will adjust. What matters is your perspective on it all. Remind yourself that you won’t know it all and you won’t get everything right 100 percent of the time. You are learning and growing. Try, experience, and explore. The more you become comfortable with the uncomfortable the more you realize you can handle anything life throws your way. You have what you need right inside of you. You just need to shake it up or wake it up from time to time. Tap into your strengths, be forgiving with yourself, and begin again when mistakes happen with humility and determination.
XOXO!
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